My dad: Superhero. Many little kids think their dad is a superhero. They want to be like him and they copy what he does and what he says. Then the kid grows up and often the flaws they see in their dad outweigh that early superhero status.
Not my dad. Oh, he wasn’t perfect, but he loved me unconditionally, he was smart and funny and happy and caring and committed to his personal values and to telling other people that God was real and Jesus loves us all. He was competent at so many things: he’d been a master plumber, airplane mechanic and tested rocket fuels. I’d seen him repair cars, build church buildings, build a brick fence, fix plumbing problems, handle electrical breakdowns, repair the roof, transplant trees, maintain tomato plants and harvest fruit from all the fruit trees in the yard of the Pomona house and help Mother do the canning. He was the one who got everything stored in the freezer. In the garage there are four different type ladders and he used them all for various tasks. There’s an entire network of shelving in the rafters of the garage and he knew what each box held and what was stored up there in the boxes we could and couldn’t see. His handiwork is all over this old house.
This house ran so smoothly under his care that it seemed a simple thing to me to tell him that I would be here to see that Mother was ok and could stay in her home after he was gone. In about three months’ time he’d gone from busy and capable, a sharp thinking and productive 88 year old, to thin and weak and desperately tired from the ravages of liver cancer. He sat in his recliner watching me one day as I struggled to flip the queen size mattress on his and Mother’s bed and then put on fresh sheets. I probably wouldn’t have even thought of flipping the mattress but Daddy had done that twice a month and kept it marked on the schedule of his Daytimer for at least the last twenty years. That must explain why that mattress is still uniformly even. I left the bedroom and walked across the living room to where he sat.
“How are you doing, Daddy?” I laid my hand on his shoulder.
“I’m tired.” He said. “I want to go home to God.”
My eyes full of unshed tears, I said, “Then maybe you should go, Daddy.”
“Your Mother’s not ready.” He spoke softly, his eyes closed, his head back on the headrest.
“I’ll be here Daddy.” I said. “She won’t be alone.”
He nodded, almost imperceptibly.
Easy promises made out of my need to reassure him. He was the rock of our family and of my life but it was clear he wasn’t going to beat this. He was going, and soon, to the place without pain, without suffering. I wouldn’t let him down. I’d pick up the load he’d carried here and he could go without concern.
In the nearly four years since that day, Mother and I have continued on. This old house has needed a new breaker in the electrical box, new fuses (with regularity), the dishwasher died, the freezer died, the garage door got so bent out of shape it no longer worked, the garage was burgled and all Daddy’s tools were stolen, the shower stall and the toilet in Daddy’s bathroom both leaked and were starting to destroy the floor, the rain came in through the old roof, the lawn and gardens and trees needed care, much of which I wasn’t strong enough to provide, Daddy’s car had to be sold and mine was so old more money for repairs made no sense, the nearly thirty year old forced heat/air unit kept breaking down, the cooking range took a sabbatical then miraculously worked again, the ceiling heater in the back bathroom died, the kitchen desperately needed painting, the bedroom-cum-storage room where I sleep needed an overhaul and the thirty-plus-year old red carpeting in the main rooms had to go and the underlying hardwoods needed work.
I’ve kept the promise I made to him. Through all the minutia of maintaining a house, through all the times Mother has driven me crazy and in the times of fun and laughter we’ve had together as I learn to accept that she will never have his optimism or his joy for life. They say opposites attract and they were truly opposites. Daddy loved her and I try to do the same. She dreams of Daddy every night she says. I look around me and see him in every detail of this old house and in the legacy of God’s love he passed on to his family. He lived by God’s grace and by God’s grace I’ll be the best I can be, my heart looking forward to the day I’ll see my Daddy again.
So, you poignantly reminded me of all Daddy’s special qualities and why I miss him so very much. (Yes, I’m crying) But I also want you to know how much I love and appreciate you for caring for Mom. I know it hasn’t all been easy or fun. I love your willingness to be there for her.
Thank you for saying those things, that’s so sweet. It made me cry to write about Daddy, but at the same time, I’m loving it.
And, it’s a blessing to me that the family appreciates me being here. Love you.
I’m crying too. I think of Dad often and often with tears and a longing to be there with him, not to mention many others who’ve gone also. I am so gratefull for the lagacy he left us, all the praying he did, and the wisdom he shared as we were growing up. He gave us so much!
Vicky, we do thank you and praise God that you are able to be there with Mom, and your willingness to do it. Thank you! Happy Valentines Day to you and Mom.
Happy Valentines day to all of you from Mother and I.
I am loving your storytelling! You have made much progress with your writing, keep growing and keep writing! I am excited to see what you will do in the future. Love,
Thank you for your kind words. I’m having fun with it!
Victoria……….. thank you for sharing your heart. God has blessed you with the grace to know what you had, and I know HE will continue to give you the grace to get on with the hardest part before you. Such a loving daughter’s letter. I am so happy for you. No wonder you look so radiant in this photo. You are free – indeed. Much love, Julienne
thank you, dear friend.
Thank you – sometimes hard to write about the most special things but worth it because of the reminder it brings of how blessed I am to have had such a father.